The Aristocrats

A man walks into a small Talent agent's office. He tells the agent he's just seen the most amazing act, and that he should sign this family to a contract.

The Talent Agent asks "What's the Act ?"...



So begins the premise of the joke affectionately called The Aristocrats.
It also happens to be the basis for the entire movie directed by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette.

One would think that it would be impossible to base an entire movie around this one joke, but it's pulled off with humorous results.

The movie is more about the brotherhood of all comedians. How they all ultimately share the same sick, and twisted sense of humor. The joke happens to be one that has many variations, depending on who tells the joke. Most of the time the joke is sexual in nature, and usually involves....

A. Feces
B. Incest
C. Every sick and twisted idea anyone can come up with.

The punch-line of the joke is that the family "calls" the act The Aristocrats.

According to the movie the joke had vaudeville roots, and was later used as a traditional party game for comedians, most famously they played the game at Chevy Chase's house during the early Saturday Night Live days.

What's fun about the movie is not only seeing the different variations of the story, but how the joke seems to take on the personality of the comedian.

For instance George Carlin's version is appropriately disgusting and foul, while Penn & Teller incorporates a magic trick into the joke, there's even a mime that acts out the entire joke.

In essence the joke is a workshop for a comedian's writing, and improv skills.



The joke even takes on emotional weight when a famous instance of a telling of the joke is recalled. The joke is performed by Gilbert Gottfried, pictured above. What's unique about the event is that it was told at a roast for Hugh Hefner.......shortly after the events of 9/11. The evening was going badly, when Gottfried decided to use the joke. What makes it remarkable is that he was telling the joke to a room full of comedians.......who already knew the punch-line. But because of the timing, and the need for people to laugh during that tough period of time, the joke became a rallying cry. He ended up leaving the entire room in stitches.

The movie is an interesting documentary about comedians and what makes them tick. What's fascinating about the film is that through the one joke, the viewer gets a peek into the working process of some of our most famous entertainers. There's bits by Drew Carey, Robin Williams, Howie Mandel, Jackie "the joke man", surprisingly Bob Saget tells a funny version of the story. There is some genuine good laughs in the film, sometimes not even involving the joke. I'm sure some viewers will get tired of hearing the centerpiece joke, but it's interesting to see how comedians bond around the piece.

The film is also only 89 minutes so it's a fun, little, quick, flick to throw on for a cheap laugh. If that's not enough the DVD has a bunch of extra footage of the performers telling the joke with their insights.

If one wants to get an idea of what it's like to be in the head of some of our most famous comedians this is a good place to start.

The movie arrives on DVD January 24th.

A New World -Director's shorter cut

Terrence Malick's movies are an acquired taste.

By no means is he a conventional storyteller. When people are asked to describe his style the word "Art" always seems to come into the conversation.

It's hard to avoid that word when considering his work, because there's no doubt while watching his films, the images he captures are often times breathlessly beautiful. He depends heavily on imagery, and visuals rather than dialogue to tell most of his stories. Often times audiences are left trying to interpret emotional, inspiring images rather than a clear storyline. To make things even more confusing his characters tend to use poetic voice-over's to articulate the feelings that they themselves are trying to work out, and can't express. Needless to say this can be very frustrating for people who want clear and conventional storylines.

I think often times audiences dismiss his work as pretentious, and overly symbolic. And in all honesty I can see a case being made for that argument. But I don't think Malick's work are those things.

I think more than any other director working today he is TRYING to create art when he makes a film.

He's not content with just telling a story. He wants to make people feel, and think, and respond in a way that's similar to when one looks at a provocative painting in a museum. His movies aren't made for people who want to eat popcorn, and have their sour patch kids, while forgetting about their lives for a few hours during a film. Which are what most films are. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But that's just not Terrence Malick's style.

It's just a different way of using films as an art form. Which is why he is so admired, and respected in the industry, and also dismissed by some audiences who just want a fun movie.

The story of A New World is the story of the first colony in Virginia. It tells the story of John Smith and the daughter of the Chief of the Indian tribe, Pocahontas, living in newly settled America. The story explores the rivalry/reliance of the the two cultures clashing on American soil for the first time.

To describe this film one need only say that it's uniquely Malick.

To me that's a good thing.

I found the film incredibly cinematic, and artistic in a way no other film has been this year. Clearly one of the top 5 movies of the year.

It's romantic, moving, beautiful to behold, and mesmerizing to watch. I found the Cinematography incredible....simply remarkable, and the musical score inspiring. The story was interesting, and touching, and I found the acting solid and moving.

Especially impressive is Q'Orianka Kilcher in the title role, who runs through a wide variety of emotions, and experiences in a demanding role, and she delivers a moving, remarkable performance, even more impressive when one considers she was 14 years old when they started filming. Collin Farrell bounces back nicely from his shaky work in Alexander and Christian Bale turns in his usual grounded, impressive, always interesting work to round out the cast.

The romantic nature of the movie was especially well executed. It's tricky stuff considering that Bale and Farrell are at least a decade older than Kilcher. But Malick does an impressive job of eliminating a lot of the sexual tension, and making the relationships more about true love, and romance. The idea of connecting on a spirtual level rather than a lustful one.

The opening sequence in particular is mesmerizing, the combination of images, music, sweeping shots, close ups. It's a brillant use of all the cinematic elements.

The action pieces in the film are also well executed. He puts the audience right in the middle of the action. Often times we are seeing the perspective of the different characters in real time. It's really stunning to witness.

I admit the film does, however, feel a little long in some places, but if one trusts Malick, it's worth the ride.

I think if one is looking for an artistically inspiring night out at the movies. This film will fulfill that need....and more.

MATCH POINT

The film Match Point is a movie of many layers.

On one level it's a movie about a man climbing the ladder of success.....about overcoming obstacles. On another level the movie is a touching love story. On yet ANOTHER level it's a story of betrayal.....and infidelity. It's also a movie about choices....wrong and right.....the nature and unpredictability of luck. The movie is also a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions.....a movie about regret. It's also a movie about living with the consequences of one's action......about morality and guilt.

Whatever people take out of the film one thing is certain.....

This is a great movie.

Johnathon Rhys-Meyers plays Chris, a former tennis pro who uses his passive aggressive nature to work his way into a relationship with Chloe Wilton a lady from a prestigious British family. Problems arise when Chris starts having feelings for Scarlett Johansson...who happens to be engaged to Chloe's brother.

A lot of critics are calling this movie a return to form for Woody Allen. But I get the sense that the movie is more of a change of pace for Woody Allen. A welcome chance to spread his wings. Perhaps it's because the movie is not a comedy, or that the film features a young cast, but most of all, the movie feels different than any other Woody Allen film because it doesn't feature his most consistent and prevalent character in all of his movies......the city of New York.
Match Point is filmed entirely in London and features, with the exception of Scarlett Johansson, an entirely British cast.

That's not to say that this isn't a Woody Allen film.

I was surprised to find how much humor the movie has. It's not however, sitcom, punchline, humor. A lot of it is ironic, circumstantial, and dark, but it's still humor. To call the movie a straight drama or thriller would be doing the movie a disservice. Like I mentioned earlier the film has many layers.

The movie also features many of Woody Allen's trademarks. There's examinations of morality, overlapping, natural, dialogue, there's character observing close-ups, observations of class structure and sexual infidelity....even moments of the surreal when a character speaks to the dead.

The movie features solid performances from the entire cast. Especially Johnathon Rhys-Meyers in the central role. Emily Mortimer also turns in a impressive job in a thankless role as the nieve, sweet, well meaning wife of Chris. Brian Cox is also strong as the aloof father. The flashiest role is played by Scarlett Johansson and she delivers nicely.

But what's really on display is Woody Allen's amazing writing.

What makes the movie so impressive is that it's presented in such a thought provoking, simple manner.

It's a real testament to Woody Allen's brilliance as a writer. The script is tight, multi-dimensional, well paced and powerful.

The script should be featured in screen writing classes for future generations on how to write a well made movie.

Not that Woody Allen's direction is any less impressive. Allen uses Opera music throughout the film with powerful results. There's also amazing images and well executed moments of suspense and action. One of the most haunting moments in the movie, however, is the opening image of a tennis ball bouncing off the top of the net. Later on in the movie the image is hearkened back to with brilliant results. The idea is that in life there are moments of luck when events can push a person forward, or pushed back in life.

It's a powerful, ironic image, and can even be applied to Woody Allen himself, as he sort of took a risk with this movie. Audiences are hoping that this movie pushes Woody Allen forward to bigger and better things. However, it's hard to imagine how much better Woody Allen can get.

This movie is the pinnacle of his creative genius. A triumph on all accounts.

Make sure not to miss it.

Meeting Werner Herzog

So I met Werner Herzog today.

No big deal...... just probably one of the 50 greatest directors of all time......actually #35 according to Entertainment Weekly........no biggie.

Yeah Right.

He was over at the Barnes and Noble at the Grove doing a signing to promote his movie Grizzly Man . It happened completely by chance though, we were at the Grove celebrating my wife's Birthday, we put a reservation in at the cheesecake Factory and decided to stretch our legs a bit. As we walked by I saw a little sign in the store promoting the event, at first I didn't pay it any mind because I figured, with my luck, it wasn't going to be for today, and this was my last day off this week. Erin saw the look of disappointment on my face and asked what was wrong. I informed her that Herzog was going to do a signing here and that I'd probably miss it. She looked at the sign and informed me that it was actually for today. I still didn't get too excited cause I figured the thing starts in 15 minutes and there's probably a huge line. I went up to take a look and I was shocked to find a line of about 30 people.

30 friggin people for Werner Herzog!!!

I almost leaped down to the first floor wanting to buy a copy of Grizzly Man. A part of me was bummed cause if I'd known about the event I would have loved to have him sign my copy of Nosferatu. When I got to the register I saw they had a copy of Fitzcarraldo next to the pile of Grizzly Man dvd's. I asked them if he was only going to sign Grizzly Man and they informed me that he would sign anything.

As much as I liked Grizzly Man, there was no WAY I was going to pass up the opportunity for him to sign Fitzcarraldo.

I forked over the 34 dollars it cost to purchase the DVD. I knew the store was ripping me off but hell, I got caught up in the moment.

My wife, God bless her, was all excited for me. She knew I was a big fan of Herzog. We actually spent a whole day in bed once watching a festival of his movies playing on IFC. They showed My Best Fiend, Fitzcarraldo, and both versions of Nosferatu. For months I would tease her, playfully nibbling on her neck proclaiming "I'm Nosferatu."

Let me just mention, I'm not really an autograph hound. I would never ask for an actor's autograph. But getting a director to sign a dvd is like getting an author to sign a book. I think it's pretty cool when you have a chance.

When I was in line I noticed he was having long conversations with people up there.

Long conversations... seriously about 5 minutes for some.

I'm usually pretty embarrassed when I ask people to sign stuff. I'm usually not really prepared to have a whole conversation with the person. I'd almost prefer that they sign in silence. I mean I've seen My Best Fiend and Burden of Dreams. I've listened to the commentary on Nosferatu. The guy isn't shy about the way he works when asked, there's not too much I don't know regarding his process.

I didn't want to appear like an autograph hound, and say nothing, at the same time, the line had started to grow behind me, and I didn't want to put him in an awkward position of carrying a long conversation.

So I figured I'd mention his movie Rescue Dawn , which is a movie trailer I featured in my last post.

Here's our conversation word for word......from what I can remember.

He gives me a big smile as I walk up, extending his hand.

Ray: Nice to meet you sir. It's a real honor.

W. H. (with his accent) Thank you. Nice to meet you too. (While shaking my hand.) What do you have for me? (He sees the DVD cover.) Ahh Fitzcarraldo.

Ray: Yes, great movie, one of my favorites.

(He examines the cover.)

Ray: I'm really looking forward to Rescue Dawn.

(He gives me a genuine look of surprise.)

W.H. Yes I've just started to edit it.....today actually. I had a little trouble...not enough money...the finances weren't all there...so I had to wait. But it's fine now. I'm really excited though. It's going to be really intense. Really, really intense.

Ray: Wow, I look forward to seeing it. I was wondering....were you worried about Christian losing all that weight again.

W.H. He didn't lose that much weight. (Completely straight)

Ray: Really?

W.H. Only 55 pounds.

(I laugh.)

W.H. Actually I....... lost 30 pounds during the movie.

Ray: REALLY? Wow.

W.H. Yeah I figured it would look wrong if I made the actors starve themselves, and I didn't look bad too.

(I laughed again. As he signed my Dvd cover)

Ray: Thank you

W.H. Thank YOU very much. Nice to meet you.

He signed my dvd cover.

To Ray,

Best Wishes

Werner Herzog

Really nice guy. I'm so happy to have met him. He was so friendly to everyone too. Allowed people to take pictures, he signed everything people brought.

It was a lot of fun, I feel really lucky to have met him.

Movie Trailers

I thought for a change of pace from DVD reviews, in this post I'd share some upcoming Movie trailers, and give you my thoughts on them.

Flight 93

Now if you haven't heard about this film it's a movie based on the plane that crashed in the open field on 9/11. The movie's script will be based on the transcripts of the phone calls made to love ones before the plane crashed, also a lot of the movie will be improvisational. It's being directed by Paul Greengrass, who directed The Bourne Supremacy.

My gut feeling about this movie is that it's waaaaayyy too soon for a movie like this. I'm not exactly sure what the point is. I assume it has the blessings of the surviving family members. But I still don't think it's appropriate, it feels like a blatant attempt by the studio to cash in on the tragedy. It's sure to be powerful stuff, but I don't think there is going to be any new light shed on the incident. The idea that it's improvisational worries me also, I guess it makes sense in that we don't know exactly what happened up there. But will future generations look at the film as a historical reference to the events? It's tricky, tricky stuff. I'm just not sure this movie had to be made, when the memory of the event is still so fresh in our minds. I'm also sure the movie is going to be pushed for Awards consideration, which can be very distasteful. What if the movie is terrible? That's just going to make EVERYONE involved look bad. There's a lot of ways this whole idea could go bad and I honestly don't know how it can turn out good.

Clerks 2

I'm a fan of Kevin Smith's work. If one knows me well enough they know that I'm a sucker for toilet humor. Which I'm pretty sure this movie will have plenty of, so I'm excited. I know there's some criticism about him going back to the View Askew universe when he said that Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was going to be the last one with those characters. But the reality is that this material is what he does best, he's really just writing about what he knows. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. He's the first to admit that he's not William Shakespeare. I thought it was odd in the first place that he'd limit himself by closing the book on that universe. Would I like to see him do different work? Sure! I'd like to see him do a comic book movie or another Chasing Amy type drama. But I'm guessing that at this time, he's probably comfortable with who he is. I don't think he feels the need to stretch himself. I think he knows he has a talent for good, witty, dialogue, and he has a built in audience who appreciates him for what he does. More power to the guy.


Miami Vice

I'm looking forward to this one!!! I'm not a huge Colin Farrell or Jamie Foxx fan but I just think this movie is going to be awesome. For one it's a cool idea, if there's a t.v. show that deserves a remake it's this one. The show was cool, action packed, and funny. The fact that it's being directed by Michael Mann, one of my favorite directors, who also happens to be the creator of the original show insures that it's going to be a can't miss hit. I'm going to have to dig in my closet and bust out my white blazer and orange t-shirt for this movie.

The Fountain

This trailer looks pretty cool. It's directed by Darren Aronofsky of Requiem for a Dream fame. The movie was originally supposed to star Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. But I guess Pitt had some creative differences and he left the project which shut the film down, leaving a bunch of people without jobs. Which obviously pissed a lot of people off. Now it stars Hugh Jackman and one of my favorite leading ladies Rachel Weisz. It also has a smaller budget, but I can't tell judging from the trailer, it looks amazing.

Inside Man

I had a dream about this movie. Which probably means I really want to see it. In my dream I was trying to figure out the twist in the movie. I don't remember what I came up with in the dream, but I remember being blown away by it. The real movie is directed by Spike Lee, it has a great cast. It has Denzel Washington, Wilem Dafoe, Clive Owen, Jody Foster. I heard buzz that the script was amazing, which is probably why I dreamt about it.

Rescue Dawn

I love Werner Herzog. I think Christian Bale is doing amazing work right now. I think he's legitimately one of, if not the Best actor out there right now. He chooses his work carefully, he works with great directors and he's always good....always, even when the movie isn't. I'm hoping that Bale and Chris Nolan become the next Scorsese and Dicaprio. Watching this trailer I cringe thinking about what he's done to his body going from bone skinny to bulked up and back to bone skinny again. Gotta love the guy's commitment and respect for the art.

Superman Returns

I almost cried when I saw this trailer. Not because it was great or that I'm really looking forward to this movie. I got misty eyed because it was the first time that I REALLY realized Brando was gone. For whatever reason hearing his voice made me miss him. I think the trailer is done really well too. The classic Superman music, teaser images without giving away too much of the plot. the religious imagery is touching, but the kicker is Brando's voiceover. I know he had not done good work in a long time, but there was always that hope....that chance that he might do one last great performance.

The Constant Gardener

This just in..... Pharmaceutical companies are greedy.

I know that statement isn't exactly newsworthy. But this movie would have one believe that it's the most profound, and groundbreaking conspiracy that mankind has ever uncovered.

Fernando Merirelles follows up his amazing City of God in this solidly directed and acted film based on a novel by John Le Carre, unfortunately the work is burdened by a mediocre script and story.

Justin Quayle (Ralph Fiennes) finds out that his newly married wife (Rachel Weisz) has been murdered while practicing medicine in Kenya. While re-living their short lived marriage he puts clues together to try and uncover the reason for her murder. He soon realizes that the reasons for her death are bigger than he could ever imagine.

The movie is a change of pace for Ralph Fiennes who's lately been playing serial killers, lunatics, and most recently the evil Voldemort in the last Harry Potter movie. It's a refreshing change of pace as he plays a mild mannered British diplomat who's swept off his feet by the enchanting Rachel Weisz. The strongest elements of the movie involve his touching memories of his wife. Merrielles creates a moving and tragic atmosphere for the love story. Weisz and Fiennes do a nice job creating a believable, charming, chemistry. Danny Huston and Bill Nighy also turn in creepy supporting performances. Unfortunately, for me the movie begins to fall apart when the movie shifts into a mystery thriller.

The movie was sold as a global thriller, and the connotation is that there is this incredibly vast, and intricate conspiracy that has to be uncovered. But the movie is actually pretty straight forward. Lots of times the audience is left waiting for the main characters to uncover answers that are already pretty clear to us.

Also a large problem with the story is that it's not very logical. I'm not referring to the concept that Pharmaceutical companies are corrupt, cause they obviously are. It's that these large corporations would feel so threatened by the characters in the movie. It's pretty absurd to believe that Billion Dollar corporations would resort to murdering people, like a village doctor, or lowly diplomat, when all they really have to do is discredit them. Especially a character like the one played by Rachel Weisz, who is presented early on as pretty unstable. There is also the plot point that the companies would resort to secret testing and covering up of victims deaths. It's just not realistic, Pharmaceutical corporations don't need to be secretive and hide their mistakes. They have the built in excuse that what they do, however dangerous, is done in the interest of research and development. There are also plenty of desperate sickly people out there who are willing to be test subjects for a chance at good health. There's no need to use unwilling, unknowing test subjects. And the idea that they would secretly bury victims in order to hide the truth just isn't plausible. In an age of spies and technology the idea that rival corporations wouldn't find out about such damaging information, especially when they have so much to gain from such information is just not realistic.

The conspiracy is obviously just a slick device for the author to tell a story. It just doesn't hold up under closer consideration.

The movie does have some strong points, mostly involving Merrielles direction.The movie benefits from him bringing a third world perspective to the film, and he does do a good job of setting up a paranoid environment. Lots of the images, especially the stuff done in Kenya is stunning to witness. The movie is also structured in an interesting way, switching back and forth between tragic love story, and mystery thriller. Merrielles almost carries it off but the material in the end fails him.

One even gets the sense that while watching the movie that he was a hired gun that is over qualified for the material. It's not surprising that Mike Newell, who turned it down for Harry Potter, was originally slated to direct. The story doesn't feel like something close to Merrielles heart. But he does a nice, solid job, and I think a lot of the buzz surrounding the film is a direct result of his involvement.

Although I found the movie disappointing, I don't think it diminishes my view of Merrielles abilities, and I'm looking forward to more of his work.

Hopefully something closer to his heart.

Hustle & Flow

The story of the Urban Black gangster trying to live the American dream has been told many times before on film. Often times with preachy, ineffective results. Mostly the result of sloppy storytelling by rap artists and their collaborators using their music video experience to tell their version of the movie Scarface. The reality is most of these rap artists have no business acting, much less making a full length feature film.

So it's surprising that John Singleton of all people, who ushered the genre in with his movie Boyz n the Hood and then practically destroyed it with movies like Baby Boy, would take a chance and produce a movie like Hustle & Flow, especially when there seems to be no demand for this type of story in Hollywood.

Surprise, surprise.

Hustle & Flow turns our expectations on it's head, and delivers a compelling, audience friendly story of a pimp turned Rap artist trying to find a way to live the Dream after a mid-life crisis-re-evaluation of his life.

What's unique about the story is that lots of the movie's energy isn't spent on trying to make the audience like the characters, or demonstrate how cool and slick the characters are. The fact is they aren't cool, slick, smart, or even likeable. But for some reason it's enough that Terrence Howard's character DJay is a human being, who happens to have a dream...... just like all of us.

Where the movie succeeds is in it's story of the underdog, it's in the package of an Urban gangster rap film, but it's still the Rocky story. The locale and the people are probably unfamiliar to most of us, but we all can relate to being the underdog.

What's also great about the film is that it doesn't judge the characters, or try to explain or sympathize with how they ended up in this position. It's more concerned with showing the many stumbling blocks, and obstacles in the way for someone who wishes to achieve their dream. Most people aren't born with opportunities, they are made, and worked for with blood, sweat, tears, and no guarantees.

It's an impressive debut for writer/director Craig Brewer. He tells the story with a confident, patient, and steady hand. He doesn't resort to music video tricks or slick camera angles which was probably tempting, considering the material. (The movie was distributed by MTV for God's sake.) What's also impressive was that he was able to coax solid dramatic performances from usual comedic hams Anthony Anderson and Dj Qualls, as the potential music producer and his musician.

The movie even takes a swipe at the genre it's playing in. The character of Skinny Black played by Ludacris is everything that the movie is fighting against. The image of the character is of a spoiled, tough talking, uneducated, so called rapper from the street, who's gotten lucky and now considers himself an artist. He also happens to be the character DJay's only door into the world he wants to inhabit. Even though he despises what the guy represents, he knows that he's one of the few way's in. As in life, the gatekeeper of this world is an idiot.

The breakout star of the movie is Terrence Howard. It's a good, solid performance. But although I enjoyed his portrayal, there does seem to be an awkward sense of performance. At times I felt he was trying to channel the spirit of Benecio Del Toro with mixed results. It's also not surprising that he had no first hand experience with rap music. Which he apparently had to learn on the set. Unfortunately......though understandably, he doesn't seem entirely comfortable with the music form. Which may have been a character choice, but it's not clear.

But, on the other hand, I admire Brewer's desire to go with a classically trained actor instead of a rap artist turned actor. It gives the movie a feeling of legitimacy, and really pays off in the emotional scenes. and small intimate work with the other actors.

Overall, the movie also feels like the telling of a first act, instead of a complete story. As a result the ending feels a little rushed, and not as fulfilling as one would hope. At the same time the movie doesn't sell out, and thankfully the movie doesn't deliver an over the top Cinderella ending.

The movie is a surprise success. I found the movie enjoyable and fun. I'm sure less cynical people them me will even find the movie inspirational and crowd pleasing.

Check it out on Dvd January 10th.

Hot Clicks on SheNeedsIt.com!!!

     

Head-On

What makes watching self destructive behavior so compelling?

I found myself asking that same question several times while watching this movie. A part of me feels maybe I like it cause I can rejoice in the fact that my life is not as screwed up as the characters I'm watching. Another part of me, the storyteller, admires the artistry and commitment of the performances.

Well whatever the reason one likes to watch these types of movies, Head-On will satisfy that need. The Turkish-German movie is a fascinating look into the lives of two socially inept individuals. They are both drug addicted, suicidal, social misfits who crash through life seemingly unaware of the damage they leave in their wake. They find friendship, convenience and respect in their relationship. But problems arise when feelings of affection, and possibly love start to develop.

The movie was a hit on the film festival circuit, and was even on Roger Ebert's Jury Prize list of Best films in 2005. (Whatever that means.)

The movie benefits greatly from the strong performances of Birol Unel and Sibel Kekilli, who fully commit to the intense roles. There is a danger in their performances which offsets the almost soap opera type arcs that the characters endure. It's tricky stuff, that in lesser hands could come off as real corny, and over dramatic, but writer/director Fatih Akin manages to carry it off with honesty and passion. The material is also structured with stylized musical interludes in between major acts in the movie, it's an obvious tribute to a theatrical Greek Chorus, which at least for me, was more amusing than dramatically effective.

The movie is full of unpredictable moments of violence, and yet has surprisingly sweet scenes of affection that are uncanny in such a dark film.

If one is looking for an adult alternative to the popcorn pg-13 fare out there on DVD, make sure to check out this tragic love story, that's sure to entertain one's dark side.

Wedding Crashers

I can't remember being so conflicted while watching a movie.

There's two radically different storylines in this movie. One storyline, the one with Vince Vaughn's character is hilarious, one of the funniest movies of the year.

Then..... unfortunately there's the other storyline with Owen Wilson's character, which is horrible, unwatchable, and insulting. Seriously a movie that's so bad that one may want to pluck their own eyes out.

It's not that Owen Wilson is bad, it's that he's given so little to work with. It's the worst kind of Pg-13 romantic comedy stuff that makes people want to ask for their money back. At one point during a stereotypical montage Owen Wilson's character, and a likeable Rachel McAdams are riding their bikes through a field with baby goats surrounding them.

I'm not lying baby fucken goats.

I haven't seen a major movie star being so blatantly upstaged since Johnny Depp's Captain Sparrow carried Orlando Bloom's character in Pirates of Carribean. It's unfortunate cause we know Owen Wilson can be funny.

What's worse is that the stuff that's SUPPOSSED to be funny in Owen Wilson's storyline is mean-spirited, and obnoxious. Half the storyline is Owen Wilson getting his ass kicked by Rachel McAdams' nightmare of a boyfriend. It's a horrible device to put Owen Wilson's character in a good light. Lazy, immature, horrible writing that made me want to kick my high definition t.v. through the wall.

I don't know who invented the rule that the love interest had to have the most obnoxious, rude, and disgusting partner while being pursued by the protagonist, but that person needs to be shot, seriously hanged, and then shot...in the head. Sure the device gains sympathy for the protagonist, but it makes the love interest look like a freaking retarded idiot. Why would the protagonist want to be with someone so fucken blind and stupid? Not to mention it makes no sense! Great, smart, attractive, woman don't hang out with dumb, obnoxious guys unless the girl is poor and needs money, the guy is good looking or famous, or if the girl had their life and her parents life saved by the guy.

The only real reason to watch the movie is for Vince Vaughn.

The guy has been funny in a lot of movies, but he really breaks out in this movie. He's really brillant, he's fast talking, likeable and razor sharp. He's also pretty dangerous, his character is wildly unpredictable, and perverted. It's really, really funny stuff. I just wish there was more of it. To me it felt like a guy had the remote control while I was watching Curb your Enthusiasm and kept flipping it to Scrubs. I'd wet myself laughing and then the guy would flip the channel to Scrubs and I'd get pissed and depressed and he'd switch it back to Curb.

Which brings me to a great idea, someone out there has to put Vaughn in a Curb your Enthusiasm type show where they just get out of the way, and let Vince Vaughn do his thing. He's old school vaudville funny, he can turn any line into a hilarious punchline, and knock it out of the park. The first 15 minutes of the movie in particular is classic, hilarious stuff as they show Wilson and Vaughn crashing weddings.

Then the fun begins to fade badly. Like when the funny, likeable, drunk friend at a party starts to get sick, and throw up while pissing his pants.

I don't know why one would make a movie called Wedding Crashers and then only spend 15 minutes showing the characters doing it. But it's a real let down. To me it feels like the studio had a good idea for a movie trailer, then realized a little late in the game they needed to make a two hour movie.

After the first 20 minutes the movie down shifts from fifth gear to park. It just stops dead, especially when Vince Vaughn is not on screen. It's pointless, absurd, bad network sitcom stuff, that's just not funny. I've heard reviews saying it's hilarious from beginning to end, and I wonder what movie they watched cause I didn't see it.

I was really looking forward to this one, and I can't really recommend it. The only way I'd recommend watching it is if one fast forwarded through any scene without Vince Vaughn.

One hand on the remote, which is hardly a way to watch a movie.

Happy FRIGGIN New Years!!!

Yeah!!!.......the passage of time.

Whatever.

I think New Year's Eve is the most over-rated holiday in the history of mankind. I've never liked the celebration. I don't get it, why choose this day to consider, and reflect on the past year. To me it's just another day. I spend every day remembering all the mistakes I made in the past week or opportunities I missed in the last month.

I don't need a special day to commemorate my fuck ups.

I remember when I was little, I was traumatized by my mom running into my room at midnight waking me from a sound sleep, and telling me to get excited cause some glass apple was dropping from a flag pole.

Seriously lame.

I can't remember a good New Year's Eve. They always are pretty stupid, lots of planning, and no pay off. At least Christmas I get presents, on July 4th I get baseball, fireworks and bbq, Thanksgiving I get Turkey, on New Year's Eve one is suppossed to get drunk......and dance.

Dance.....like there's no tommorrow.

I can....and do....get drunk at anytime. I'll get drunk to celebrate my dog barfing on the hall floor instead of the carpet. I used to dance a lot, got to clubs, and dance my ugly ass off, but that was so I could get laid. Rub up against some girl trying, usually unsuccessfully, to get them hot and bothered. I'd dance alone too, to illustrate to the ladies I didn't need their attention to have fun....even though I wasn't really having fun, just trying to look like I was having fun, so when some girl eventurally danced with me they'd THINK it was just dancing when I grabbed their ass, not just me touching their ass cause I was horny....even though I really was.

But I'm married now, I don't need to look and dance like a Backstreet Boy to pick up girls.

So now New Year's Eve is just useless, an excuse to have a lame party.

A perfect example of a typical New Year's Eve was when I was in England, (as if I'm a world traveler), a bunch of my friends and I from college were in London for a Theatre trip. All we talked about for months was how we were going to party like crazy in London on New Year's Eve. Go to Piccadilly Square, (spelled something like that, I'm too lazy to use spell check), go nuts, and drunk, kiss some hot, exotic British chick, then go to a pub with them, and get more drunk and hopefully get laid by a different hot, exotic British chick.....maybe even with both.

Yeah, right.

The night arrived, and one of us, I don't remember who, thought it would be a great Idea to check out a play we had tickets for BEFORE midnight. We didn't have anything planned, two of our friends decided that they would rather rest before the festivities.We had rented a car, so transportation wasn't an issue, the play started at 7, surely plenty of time to get back to pick our friends up before we headed up to Picadilly square, so why not?

Well the play, Blood Brothers, a british musical turned out to be pretty lame, even though our friend Louise said it would be great. We got out at around 10:30, and realized we should probably hurry back to get to our friends. We jumped in the car and promptly got stuck in horrible traffic. Actually I wouldn't really call it traffic, traffic would give one the idea that there was potential for movement.

We were not moving while the engine was on.

Eventually, my friend thought he could manuever AROUND the traffic, and decided to stray off the main road. If one knows anything about driving around London, they'll know that the streets are actually a sick maze disguised as roads. There's roundabouts, dead ends, off-ramps, and no reliable signs on the road, not to mention they drive on the wrong fucken side of the street.

Needless to say we got lost, when we tried to ask for directions, we ran into the man with the thickest Cockney accent in the world....at least I thought that was what he was speaking, it could have been Arabic for all I know. We judged from his gestures that he was telling us to go around a couple of corners and we'd be okay. But in retrospect I believe he was telling us to fuck off and we just misinterpreted. So luckily, we finally found a taxi cab, actually we almost crashed into him while we were looking for signs. My friend had the genius idea to pay the cab to drive to our hotel, while the rest of the gang followed in our car behind the cab. So I ran out of the car, and jumped into the front seat telling the cabbie to drive me to my hotel. Well, If one knows anything about Cabs in London they'll know that the cabs don't have a front passenger seat, just a flat work space. After about two minutes of trying to seem cool in the front, the cabbie "suggested" that I sit in the back seat.

The Cabbie promptly took us to the main road.....where we were once again stuck in horrible traffic. I realized this was hopeless, and paid the cabbie, jumped out of the cab, and back in the car with the rest of my friends.

Eventually.....finally, we made it to the hotel. It was 11:15. We ran out of our cars to look for our two friends, after about 10 minutes of looking we realized that they had left, angry, actually thinking we had abandoned them. At 11:30 we looked at each other, and realized it was a lost cause. There was no way we could get to Picadilly Square in time.

We decided to try something within walking distance. We had heard that there was a party in a restaurant several blocks away. We ran to the site, only to see a huge line. Our hopes were dashed. Being unusually optimistic I suggested we just run to the local pub, where we had many a night getting trashed. A few of my friends declined, giving in to the unusual bad luck. But two of my friends, and I ran full sprint to the pub, we got there with a minute to spare...only to be turned away at the door, because pub was too full.

When the countdown came, a friend decided to jump on a short wall, and peek into the pub perhaps to see what was going on inside, maybe he just wanted to see if there was any hot girls inside.

I joined him not noticing the irony of my actions.

Like always I was on the outside looking in, seeing people celebrating a silly holiday, not understanding, or experiencing the joy it seemed to bring to people.

I still don't know.

Broken Flowers

Jim Jarmusch is a Genius.

He's one of those unique voices in art that can round up the most talented artists in the business, pay them nothing, give them a script written on diner store napkins, work them like a mule, and then get thanked by those same artists, for allowing himself to be in their presence.

He's also the kind of Director that could make observing dirt blowing on an empty road seem like the most profound event of the century. In other words he can make art out of nothing.

One would think that makes the guy pretty powerful in Hollywood. But I'm sure he doesn't think of himself as all that, if he did he could be turning out movies every week in order to make money. But something tells me he's not into storytelling for the money. The guy is an artist, which is why actors want to work with him so badly.

I remember a story about how he casted Robert Benigni in Down By Law. Apparently he, and Benigni were judges in a film festival, and being the only smokers in the group, between screenings they would go out, and smoke a cigarettes together. The problem was they didn't know each other's languages. Apparently for some extended amount of time they talked to one another in broken French, which they both knew very little of, and with absurd hand and body gestures.

Brilliant.

Based on those short encounters, he felt the guy was fascinating enough to write a whole movie for. He also says that the character of the Ice Cream man, in Ghost Dog, and that whole story line involving that character was based on those same encounters.

What's also hilarious is that Jarmusch is primarily responsible for Benigni's inability to grasp the English language. What Jarmusch has done in the several times he's worked with him is "teach" him incorrect meanings to certain words. Like if Benigni wanted to reference a cup he'd "teach" Benigni the slang word for cup and say it was the word "dog". Jarmusch would them make all the crew, fellow actors etc, refer to that same cup as the word "dog". Even years after making that movie he'll use the same slang he used during filming when referring to a certain object. To this day when you watch interviews with Benigni he'll make strange references, or use incorrect words because of what Jarmusch "taught" him.

Classic.

Even if one doesn't know me, by now they can probably guess that this is going to be a positive review. I don't even have to watch the movie to say it's an amazing fucking film.

At least in my mind, the guy can do no wrong. If there's something I don't get about one of his movies, or don't like, it's probably because I'm too fucking stupid, or that I'm not SUPPOSED to understand.

In the movie Bill Murray plays Don Johnston, a ladies man who one day receives a mysterious letter informing him that he has a son, who might be looking for him. His friend Winston, a hilarious Jeffrey Wright, sparks his interest in embarking on a path down memory lane, re-connecting with past conquests to possibly find the author of the letter.

The buzz around the movie of course is for Bill Murray's performance, which is well deserved. It's subtle, sad, tragic, funny, touching and profound in a soulful way. It's similar to other characters he's played, but also remarkably unique. It's unfortunate that this performance comes on the heels of his academy award nominated performance in Lost in Translation, because it will draw inevitable comparisons.

The movie and his performance deserves to stand on it's own merit.

The movie is pitch perfect from beginning to end. It's a collaboration between two masters at the top of their game. Easily it's one of the best pictures of the year, if not the best. Although Murray is getting most of the acclaim, Jarmusch deserves equal share. I've heard the movie being referred to as his most commercial movie, and I would disagree. The movie has all of Jarmusch typical art house sensibilities, and European film influences. But the caliber of acting artists in the film is however different, to fit the tone of the film. I think the film would have suffered from a John Lurie, Roberto Benigni or Tom Waits visceral type of casting. To put that type of actor in this film would have been a jarring experience. He obviously needed actors who were adept at subtle, tight work.

There is not a wasted shot or wasted spoken word in the movie. Every frame and line of dialogue serves a profound purpose, and it's amazing to witness. Movies, especially American movies just aren't made like this.

The movie is also, on a different level, a Valentine to all women. Every encounter Don has with a female character is shot in a way that praises the virtues, and unique nature of the female species. The way Jarmusch films, and Murray encounters the female characters in the film are with a reverence, and almost awe of wonder. The way that a receptionist rubs her leg, or the way a flower girl ties a bow on a bouquet is witnessed with such affection, one would think that Don Johnston was in the midst of heavenly angels. Even in a scene of gratuitous nudity, the act is done with such a childlike innocence it becomes harmless and even charming. It's really touching and moving to see woman portrayed in this light especially nowadays when most female characters are so one dimensional.

I can't imagine liking a movie more this year. It's really a unique event that deserves all the acclaim it can get. I'm just worried that it will get lost in the flashier more so called dramatic works of awards season.

I don't want to spoil the ending, so if you haven't seen the movie stop reading now.







Like a lot of Jarmusch work, the movie doesn't have a conventional ending, and I can see some audiences getting frustrated with it. But the movie is obviously not about answers. It's about the nature of existence. Jarmusch obviously isn't about solving mysteries, he's about observing life, and it's quirky experiences. It's an amazing film once one puts that aside.

I just wish there were more movies like it.