A day of tests...

Note from Ray: This is a legacy post from my personal archives (pre-2024). For my latest Movie Reviews and Highlight Reels, click here.

I get off of work and the first thing I want to do is go to the hospital. 

I don't want to wait till 2pm for my appointment with my primary care physician to be referred to a urologist. I decide I will go to the ER of the UCLA affiliated hospital that my ER doctor recommended that will accept medi-cal.

I've waited and procrastinated long enough. 

Erin forces me to eat breakfast before I go. I hear Brayden open up the back door to go outside. Nolan jumps on my lap asking to watch YouTube videos. Evie is already asking if I could push her on the swing in the backyard. Bohdan points at my computer screen and says "Hulk". 

He likes watching Hulk smash things in the Marvel movies. I'm in the mood for it too. 

I kiss Erin goodbye before I leave. I start to breakdown. Erin comforts me.

I debate whether I really want to share my venting post from my initial diagnosis. 

I share the post on Facebook before I step out the door. 

While driving I hear the encouraging chimes of Facebook notifications I'm getting on my phone from my friends. 

The E.R waiting room is ridiculously crowded. There are a lot of sick people in the room. Lots of lines. Lots of doors. Lots of filled chairs. Lots of waiting. 

I move from check-in, then to two different nurse evaluation stations. 

Both times their initial question haunts me. "When did you first notice the mass?" I shake my head no in ignorance.

I don't remember. 

I'm approved for urgent care. 

After several hours I finally see the doctor. He reads me a checklist of symptoms.

I don't have any of them. At least I don't think I do. 

He physically checks my limp nodes and body for lumps. 

All clear.

He exams the testicle. Confirms it's a mass and says he'll schedule an appointment with the urologist. 

"It's cancer. But there are alot of different kinds of cancer."

I don't think there's any good kind.

One thing is for sure. The thing is coming out. So they could send it away to be analyzed.

Good riddance. 

"Please schedule something as soon as you can. I'm freaking out."

He comes back and says the urologist will see me "within the week."

My heart drops. 

But he also states that I will get a round of tests today. Blood tests. X-Rays. Another sonogram and then a C.T. scan.  

It's more than I expected. At least today will be productive. 

I wait.

Each testing station has a waiting room. I'm constantly reminded there are a ton of other sick people in this world too. I overhear a young lady say she was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

She can't be over 22.

I can't get reception in the hospital. Occasionally, it breaks through and I'm able to read some Facebook comments from my post. I'm profoundly touched whenever I read a new one. I get emotional several times throughout the day while reading.  I'm sure it looks weird. 

When I can't get reception. I look at family pics on the phone. I miss Erin and the kids. 

I watch the blood as they draw it from me into the vials. 

Are there cancer cells swimming around in there? 

The x-ray room is dark. Comically, I start to undress. And the guy tells me to keep everything on. I remember it's still unusual for people to see me naked.  He then has me contort into a weird standing position. Arms in the air. Chin up. Back straight. Chest out. Shoulders touching the platform. I'm wearing what feels like a bulletproof apron around my waist. He points the x-ray machine at me. Back and side x-rays. I hope this thing doesn't give me cancer. 

As I leave the room. I try to peek at the x-rays. Not sure what I'd be looking for. I know from watching movies that if I see black spots that's probably not a good sign. I don't see anything in the split second I peek.

When it's time for the sonogram I'm comforted by the fact that I already know the results of that test. But doubts start to creep in. What if they find more? I over-analyze everything.

He asks my favorite question. "When did you first notice the mass?"

He leaves the room for a bit. I realize I'm laying down with everything covered and only my scrotum exposed. Must be a funny sight. 

The doctor catches me in the hall. Two of your blood tests came back negative. Waiting for a third. He walks off.

Negative for what? I already know that I have cancer. I realize he means for other kinds of cancers. At least I think that's what he means.

More waiting.

It's been three hours since my last test. I'm still waiting for the C.A.T. Scan. They need to do another blood test for my kidneys to be sure it's safe to use the iodine during the test. 

The guy sharing the waiting room with me is a victim from a stabbing. Got stabbed seven times. He has a piss bag. He's having complications from the surgery. He shares that he has fluid in his lungs.

I picture one of my kids his age. How do I prevent something like that happening to one of them? What if that happens to me? What if I was ever in the wrong place at the wrong time? What would happen to my kids? 

Doctor comes over to me. The blood tests came back negative.  I ask him what that means. He tells me that they test for different levels to determine kinds of cancer. 

"So basically  it's some good news right?"  He confirms its good. 

I walk into the CT scan room and the operator is saying a prayer. Is he praying for me? That's a nice gesture. Or maybe he's just talking to himself with his eyes closed holding his hand over a book.   

I lay down on the CT scan gurney. "You might get a warm feeling from the iodine in your blood."  

Scary thoughts run through my head. 

This is likely the test that will determine if the cancer has spread. 

The voice prompts me. Take a breath....hold it....and breath. The gurney slides into the center of the circular machine ominously. I see something in the machine spinning. Is something going to come out? 

The machine focuses first on my chest, then my head, than my groin. 

The guy running the test comes in. "Raymond, What are you being tested for? What is your ailment?" I tell him about my mass in my testicle. "But no pain anywhere right?"  I confirm that is correct. 

He leaves. I think ...does that mean he didn't see anything? Maybe.... it means he saw too much. 

He does another pass on my groin. 

I ask when will I be able to discuss the results with a doctor. The nurse informs me that the urologist will go over it with me. 

"When will that be? "

Sometime in the week I should get a call. If I don't hear anything I have to call or come back to urgent care again. 

Holy. I think to myself. They might not get back to me within the week? A whole week? I'd really get lost in the system like that?  Seriously?

So...like it or not...it's the waiting game.  

I really wish I could find out the results sooner. I wish I could know what was in the results.

I'd give up my right nut to find out. 

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I have cancer... and I'm scared

Note from Ray: This is a legacy post from my personal archives (pre-2024). For my latest Movie Reviews and Highlight Reels, click here.

Yesterday, after a visit with the doctor they confirmed that I have a mass in my right testicle.

I'm scared.

I'm also angry at myself because I waited longer than I needed to. I keep beating myself up about that. What was I thinking?

So stupid.

Obviously, a part of me was in denial. I'm the poster child for procrastination. I'm not sure it's productive to keep beating myself up about it. But I can't help it.

Thoughts of the cancer spreading is keeping my mind racing. A big part of me just wants to go to the kitchen counter, grab a knife and cut the mass out myself. I hate that it's inside me.

My next step is to have my primary care practitioner refer me to a urologist. I have an appointment today.  But another option is to go to another hospital that the ER doctor recommended from UCLA and hope their referral will get me to see a urologist sooner.

I don't have insurance. I have medi-cal or whatever they are calling it now.

I hope I don't slip through the cracks.

I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm writing this.

I read on The Testicular Cancer Society page that I should start a page on the subject. To keep loved ones "updated". But I suspect it's more about venting.

Which I admit IS helping me right now.

Keeps me out of my head. Keeps me from pacing. Keeps me from imagining the worst case scenarios and from beating myself up too much.  I decided to write this post here on my old blog, Ray's Lucky 13. Maybe it will bring me some luck. It's been awhile. Maybe nobody will read it. I don't know.

I have been working on my entertainment blog mostly nowadays. But I don't think this subject is appropriate for that site.

I don't think ball cancer qualifies as entertainment.

I keep thinking of cancer movies.

50/50 with Joseph Gordon Levitt and Seth Rogen has a happy ending. But more often than not cancer movies don't end well.  I know Tom Green had testicular cancer and is alive and well. So is Lance Armstrong. In fact according to stats, recovery is very high for testicular cancer. On average over 90%.

I hope I'm not in the minority.

I'm scared my kids are gonna grow up without a father. I'm scared Erin will have to raise them alone.

I don't want to die.

Kids are asleep right now. I just want to hug them so hard that I'm inside of them. Like a warm blanket.

I know people will say don't worry. Everything will be fine.

But will it?

I'm scared.

I'm tired of reading cancer information sites.

Best case scenario is surgery. Chemotherapy. Radiation.

Fun.

I keep thinking I'm experiencing advanced signs of the cancer. Back pain. Stomach pain. Fevers. Headaches.  It's probably just in my head.

Probably.

To be honest,  I didn't really have many signs besides the hard feel of my testicle and the heaviness down there. I strained my back moving the kiddie pool a couple of weeks back. So a part of me thought that the groin pain was because I pulled something.

I was hoping it was a hernia.

I guess I also felt fatigue. But I work graveyard shift and I don't really get to sleep well, so I'm sort of always tired. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't suspect something sooner. I kept waiting for another symptom. To get me going.

So stupid. No excuse.

Don't borrow trouble. Stay positive.

That's what Erin says and I keep telling myself.

It was hard telling Erin. Then telling my mom and sister. I felt like I let them down.

Not sure if I'm crying for them or for myself.

I'm not sure why I'm telling you. I don't really want the drama.

But I'm scared.

Keep happy thoughts. Stay positive.

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The Top Ten Films by Steven Spielberg - By Ari Dassa

The Top Ten Films by Steven Spielberg

This Article originally appeared on our legacy site PassMeThePopcorn (Now Defunct)
 

By Ari Dassa

 

Steven Spielberg, arguably the most celebrated filmmaker of all-time, has won 126 awards during his illustrious career. That includes 4 Academy Award Oscars with Two for Best Director. On the verge of winning another Academy Award for his work on the excellent movie Lincoln, many film fans are listing their favorite Steven Spielberg movies of all-time. Not one to turn down a chance to examine the works of one of my all-time favorite directors, I’ve decided to add to the conversation and share my list of the Top 10 films directed by Steven Spielberg.
 

Honorable Mentions:

 

 

Lincoln

(2012)
 
Incredible movie. Not much more to say here about this film, except to say go see it when one gets the chance.

 

Official Synopsis:
 
Steven Spielberg directs two-time Academy Award® winner Daniel Day-Lewis in “Lincoln,” a revealing drama that focuses on the 16th President’s tumultuous final months in office. In a nation divided by war and the strong winds of change, Lincoln pursues a course of action designed to end the war, unite the country and abolish slavery. With the moral courage and fierce determination to succeed, his choices during this critical moment will change the fate of generations to come.
 

 

Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom

(1984)
 
This one, over time has just eventually won me over completely.
 
Synopsis:
 
The second of the George Lucas/Steven Spielberg Indiana Jones epics is set a year or so before the events in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1984). After a brief brouhaha involving a precious vial and a wild ride down a raging Himalyan river, Indy (Harrison Ford) gets down to the problem at hand: retrieving a precious gem and several kidnapped young boys on behalf of a remote East Indian village. His companions this time around include a dimbulbed, easily frightened nightclub chanteuse (Kate Capshaw), and a feisty 12-year-old kid named Short Round (Quan Ke Huy). Throughout, the plot takes second place to the thrills, which include a harrowing rollercoaster ride in an abandoned mineshaft and Indy’s rescue of the heroine from a ritual sacrifice. There are also a couple of cute references to Raiders of the Lost Ark, notably a funny variation of Indy’s shooting of the Sherpa warrior.

 

 

Munich

(2005)
 
Munich is a masterwork… until the ridiculous sex scene, which is inter-cut with the killings. That scene is so tonally unbalanced and the wailing middle-eastern woman on the soundtrack and slo-mo sweat is so overdone, that it completely ruins the final 10 minutes of the film and the horror of the massacre.
 
Official Synopsis:
 
Inspired by real events, Munich reveals the intense story of the secret Israeli squad assigned to track down and assassinate the 11 Palestinians believed to have planned the 1972 Munich massacre of 11 Israeli athletes – and the personal toll this mission of revenge takes on the team and the man who led it. Hailed as “tremendously exciting” (Peter Travers, Rolling Stone), Steven Spielberg’s explosive suspense thriller garnered five Academy Award nominations, including Best Picture and Best Director.
 

 

Saving Private Ryan

(1998)
 
Saving Private Ryan has some astonishing set-pieces, but I’m not really too crazy about the film.

 
Official Synopsis:
 
Steven Spielberg directed this powerful, realistic re-creation of WWII’s D-day invasion and the immediate aftermath. The story opens with a prologue in which a veteran brings his family to the American cemetery at Normandy, and a flashback then joins Capt. John Miller (Tom Hanks) and GIs in a landing craft making the June 6, 1944, approach to Omaha Beach to face devastating German artillery fire. This mass slaughter of American soldiers is depicted in a compelling, unforgettable 24-minute sequence. Miller’s men slowly move forward to finally take a concrete pillbox. On the beach littered with bodies is one with the name “Ryan” stenciled on his backpack. Army Chief of Staff Gen. George C. Marshall (Harve Presnell), learning that three Ryan brothers from the same family have all been killed in a single week, requests that the surviving brother, Pvt. James Ryan (Matt Damon), be located and brought back to the United States. Capt. Miller gets the assignment, and he chooses a translator, Cpl. Upham (Jeremy Davis), skilled in language but not in combat, to join his squad of right-hand man Sgt. Horvath (Tom Sizemore), plus privates Mellish (Adam Goldberg), Medic Wade (Giovanni Ribisi), cynical Reiben (Edward Burns) from Brooklyn, Italian-American Caparzo (Vin Diesel), and religious Southerner Jackson (Barry Pepper), an ace sharpshooter who calls on the Lord while taking aim. Having previously experienced action in Italy and North Africa, the close-knit squad sets out through areas still thick with Nazis. After they lose one man in a skirmish at a bombed village, some in the group begin to question the logic of losing more lives to save a single soldier. The film’s historical consultant is Stephen E. Ambrose, and the incident is based on a true occurrence in Ambrose’s 1994 bestseller D-Day: June 6, 1944.
 

 

My list of the Top 10 Spielberg Films:

 

 

 

10. A.I. Artificial Intelligence

(2001)
 

“A.I.” is an ambitious effort that doesn’t always work, but it’s fascinating to watch Spielberg work with Kubrick’s treatment and take himself into darker and more challenging places thematically.
 
Official Synopsis:
 
In a future world of runaway global warming and awe-inspiring scientific advances, humans share every aspect of their lives with sophisticated companion robots called Mechas. But when an advanced prototype robot child named David (Haley Joel Osment) is programmed to show unconditional love, his human family isn’t prepared for the consequences. Suddenly, David is on his own in a strange and dangerous world. Befriended by a streetwise Mecha (Jude Law), David embarks on a spectacular quest to discover the startling secret of his own identity.
 
 
 

 

9. Minority Report

(2002)
 

Official Synopsis:
 
Based on a short story by the late Philip K. Dick, this science fiction-thriller reflects the writer’s familiar preoccupation with themes of concealed identity and mind control. Tom Cruise stars as John Anderton, a Washington, D.C. detective in the year 2054. Anderton works for “Precrime,” a special unit of the police department that arrests murderers before they have committed the actual crime. Precrime bases its work on the visions of three psychics or “precogs” whose prophecies of future events are never in error. When Anderton discovers that he has been identified as the future killer of a man he’s never met, he is forced to become a fugitive from his own colleagues as he tries to uncover the mystery of the victim-to-be’s identity. When he kidnaps Agatha (Samantha Morton), one of the precogs, he begins to formulate a theory about a possible frame-up from within his own department. Directed by Steven Spielberg, who hired a team of futurists to devise the film’s numerous technologically advanced gadgets, Minority Report co-stars Colin Farrell, Max von Sydow, and Neal McDonough.
 

 
 

 

8. Jurassic Park

(1993)
 

Synopsis:
 
Experts and others are invited to a theme-park site featuring dinosaurs man-made from DNA. Starring Sam Neil, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, and Richard Attenborogh. Based on Michael Crichton’s novel.
 

 
 

 

7. Empire of the Sun

(1987)
 

Official Synopsis:
 
A British boy living in Shanghai after getting separated from his family eventually arrives at a prison camp when Japan invades China at the outset of WWII.
 

 
 

 

6. Catch Me If You Can

(2002)
 

The most underrated film on this list, The film features what I believe is Leonardo DiCaprio’s best performance in his career so far. It’s a beautifully made film which shows Spielberg’s gift for entertaining and moving an audience at the same time. Give this one another chance. It rewards the viewer on subsequent viewing.

 
Official Synospis:
From three-time Oscar winning director Steven Spielberg, Catch Me If You Can follows Frank W. Abagnale, Jr. as he successfully passes himself off as a pilot, a lawyer and a doctor – all before his 21st birthday!

 

 
 

 

5. Raider’s of the Lost Ark

(1981)
 

Official Synopsis:
 
Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) is no ordinary archeologist. When we first see him, he is somewhere in the Peruvian jungle in 1936, running a booby-trapped gauntlet (complete with an over-sized rolling boulder) to fetch a solid-gold idol. He loses this artifact to his chief rival, a French archeologist named Belloq (Paul Freeman), who then prepares to kill our hero. In the first of many serial-like escapes, Indy eludes Belloq by hopping into a convenient plane. So, then: is Indiana Jones afraid of anything? Yes, snakes. The next time we see Jones, he’s a soft-spoken, bespectacled professor. He is then summoned from his ivy-covered environs by Marcus Brody (Denholm Elliott) to find the long-lost Ark of the Covenant. The Nazis, it seems, are already searching for the Ark, which the mystical-minded Hitler hopes to use to make his stormtroopers invincible. But to find the Ark, Indy must first secure a medallion kept under the protection of Indy’s old friend Abner Ravenwood, whose daughter, Marion (Karen Allen), evidently has a “history” with Jones. Whatever their personal differences, Indy and Marion become partners in one action-packed adventure after another, ranging from wandering the snake pits of the Well of Souls to surviving the pyrotechnic unearthing of the sacred Ark. A joint project of Hollywood prodigies George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, with a script co-written by Lawrence Kasdan and Philip Kaufman, among others, Raiders of the Lost Ark is not so much a movie as a 115-minute thrill ride. Costing 22 million dollars (nearly three times the original estimate), Raiders of the Lost Ark reaped 200 million dollars during its first run. It was followed by Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1985) and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), as well as a short-lived TV-series “prequel.”
 

 
 
 

 

4. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial

(1982)
 
Official Synopsis:
 
Director Steven Spielberg’s heartwarming masterpiece is one of the brightest stars in motion picture history. Filled with unparalleled magic and imagination, E.T. follows the moving story of a lost little alien who befriends 10-year-old, Elliot. Experience all the mystery and fun of their unforgettable adventure in the beloved movie that captivated audiences around the world.
 

 
 
 

 

3. Close Encounters of the Third Kind

(1977)
 

Official Synopsis:
 
In the night skies near his Muncie Indiana home power repairman Roy Neary (Richard Dreyfuss) experiences something out of this world. His close encounter sets into action an amazing chain of events that leads to contact with benevolent aliens and their Mothership. Spectacular special effects John Williams’ outstanding score and winning performances from Dreyfuss Teri Garr Melinda Dillon and legendary director Francois Truffaut in the role of Lacombe make CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND movie magic of the best kind.
 

 

 

2. Schindler’s List

(1993)
 

Official Synopsis:
 
Schindler’s List, a Steven Spielberg film, is a cinematic masterpiece that has become one of the most honored films of all time.
Winner of seven Academy Awards, including Best Picture and Best Director, it also won every major Best Picture award and an exceptional number of additional honors. Among them were seven British Academy Awards; the Best Picture Awards from the New York Film Critics Circle, the National Society of Film Critics, the National Board of Review, the Producers Guild, the Los Angeles Film Critics, the Chicago, Boston and Dallas Film Critics; a Christopher Award; and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association Golden Globe Awards. Steven Spielberg was further honored with the Directors Guild of America Award.
The film presents the indelible true story of the enigmatic Oskar Schindler, a member of the Nazi party, womanizer, and war profiteer who saved the lives of more than 1,100 Jews during the Holocaust. It is the triumph of one man who made a difference, and the drama of those who survived one of the darkest chapters in human history because of what he did.
Directed by Steven Spielberg, the film, which also won Academy Awards for Screenplay, Cinematography, Music, Editing and Art Direction, stars an acclaimed cast headed by Liam Neeson, Ben Kingsley, Ralph Fiennes, Caroline Goodall, Jonathan Sagalle and Embeth Davidtz.
 

And the #1 film from Steven Spielberg is…
 
 
 

 

1. Jaws

(1975)
 
Was their any doubt? “Jaws” is quite simply one of the best films of the ’70s.
 
Official Synopsis:
 
Directed by Academy Award® winner Steven Spielberg, Jaws set the standard for edge-of-your-seat suspense quickly becoming a cultural phenomenon and forever changing the movie industry. When the seaside community of Amity finds itself under attack by a dangerous great white shark, the town’s chief of police (Roy Scheider), a young marine biologist (Richard Dreyfuss) and a grizzled shark hunter (Robert Shaw) embark on a desperate quest to destroy the beast before it strikes again. Featuring an unforgettable score that evokes pure terror, Jaws remains one of the most influential and gripping adventures in motion picture history.
 

Or if you don’t like that classic film one could always watch…

 
 
 

Hook

(1991)
 
Hook is hilarious. I’ll give it that.
 
Official Synopsis:
 
A high-flying adventure from the magic of Steven Spielberg, Hook stars Robin Williams as a grown-up Peter Pan and Dustin Hoffman as the infamous Captain Hook. Joining the fun is Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell, Bob Hoskins as the pirate Smee, and Maggie Smith as Granny Wendy Darling, who must convince the middle-aged lawyer, Peter Banning, that he was once the legendary Peter Pan. And so the adventure begins anew, with Peter off to Neverland to save his two children from Captain Hook. Along the way, he rediscovers the power of imagination, of friendship, and of magic. A classic tale updated for children of all ages, Hook was nominated for five 1991 Academy Awards(r) including best visual effects

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Best Films of 2012 - By Ray Manukay

 

The Top Ten Films of 2012: 

By Ray Manukay

 

This Article first appeared on our legacy site PassMeThePopcorn (Now Defunct)

The Notable Films of 2012:

 
This year had some great films.
 
I honestly can’t think of a better year in recent memory, that featured so many impressive and genuinely enjoyable and thought-provoking films. Because of the sheer volume of excellent, quality movies this year it didn’t feel right that I leave some of them off my best films of the year list. So, in addition to my Top Ten Films of 2012, I’ve included some of my favorite films of the past year and separated them into different genres. (Yeah…this year was that good.)
 

Noteworthy Action Films of 2012:

The Avengers
The Dark Knight Rises
Skyfall
The Hobbit
Haywire
Looper

 

 

Noteworthy Dramatic films of 2012:

Argo
Lincoln
The Impossible
Lawless
Zero Dark Thirty
The Sessions
Life of Pi
 

 

Noteworthy Character Studies of 2012:

Flight
Arbitrage
The Grey
Bernie
Silver Linings Playbook
 

 

Noteworthy Comedies of 2012:

This is 40
Ted
To Rome with Love
21 Jump Street  

 

 

Noteworthy Animated films of 2012:

Paranorman
Wreck-it-Ralph
Frankenweenie
The Dark Knight Returns Part 1
 

 

And now, without further ado…

My Top Ten Films of 2012:

 

10.The Dictator

directed by LARRY CHARLES
 

 
Sacha Baron Cohen’s latest comedy is arguably his best yet. Yes, The DICTATOR is scripted and it lacks the gonzo appeal, and dangerous, comedic energy of his previous films Borat and Bruno. But The Dictator still features his trademark mix of crude, inappropriate shocking moments of wit and pointed socio-political jabs. Take for example the final speech in the film:

“Why are you guys so anti-dictators? Imagine if America was a dictatorship. You could let 1 percent of the people have all the nation’s wealth. You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes and bailing them out when they gamble and lose. You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education. Your media would appear free, but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family. You could wiretap phones. You could torture foreign prisoners. You could have rigged elections. You could lie about why you go to war. You could fill your prisons with one particular racial group and no one would complain. You could use the media to scare the people into supporting policies that are against their interests.”

It’s both hilarious and painfully truthful. The essence of great comedy.

 

9. Les Miserables

directed by TOM HOOPER
 

 
Yes, the voices could be stronger. The cinematography is dizzying and unusual. But there’s a reason that Les Miserables is arguably the most popular musical of all-time. The music is great and the story is emotionally stirring. There are lots of ways this film could have gone bad. (Think Rock of Ages or The Producers). Instead, we got a solid and entertaining film adaptation that can be shared for years to come. The highlight of the film is Anne Hathaway’s rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream.” It’s an instant film scene classic.
 

8. Holy Motors

directed by LEOS CARAX
 

 
So what in the world is HOLY MOTORS about? Well…it’s about everything and anything. A smorgasbord of storytelling. The film is part David Lynch, part Ridley Scott, and part Jean-Pierre Jeunet. It defies categorization and simple synopsis. HOLY MOTORS also hints at the true potential of film and storytelling. Which is limitless. HOLY MOTORS defies convention.

7.The Perks of Being a Wallflower

directed by STEPHEN CHBOSKY
 

 
As far as coming of age stories go, there hasn’t been a more touching, honest and sensitive portrayal of youth on film since STAND BY ME. ThE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER succeeds in capturing the real-life angst, awkwardness, pain and even magic of growing up. The film features some impressive performances from the entire cast, which defies their youth. Perhaps a testament to the excellent script and thoughtful direction of Stephen Chbosky.
 

6. Safety Not Guaranteed

directed by COLIN TREVORROW
 

 
More of a character piece than a time travel yarn, SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED is about human connection. Connecting, emotionally, and spirtually with the people in one’s past to advance one’s relationships in the present. It’s a film about examining who we are, faults and all to become the people we hope and wish to be. It’s about risking and investing in one’s self and also on others. No matter how scary or unlikely the connection may be. Because as terrifying or intimidating as time travel may be, it pales in comparison to exploring one’s own heart and soul.
 

5. Cloud Atlas

directed by LANA & ANDY WACHOWSKI, TOM TYKWER
 

 
Ambitious, sprawling, genre-bending, even epic. CLOUD ATLAS is alot of movie. Maybe too much movie for some people. Different stories, in different time periods, featuring the same actors, in different story-lines, all connected spiritually and emotionally. Yeah it’s a mouthful and definitely challenging storytelling. But it’s also great and fantastic movie magic. If one is looking for a can’t miss movie to check out. This is it. Because even if one isn’t crazy about the film as a whole. There is likely a storyline, genre or character in the film that will appeal to one looking for entertainment.
 

4. End of Watch

directed by DAVID AYER
 

 
I can’t think of a bigger challenge for a Hollywood film than to make LAPD street cops appear as heroes in a movie. With the history of well documented real-life corruption within the LAPD, and it’s often evil or general incompetent portrayal of the LAPD police force in film, it’s hard for audiences to feel anything but disdain for the Hollywood version of the LAPD. If anything LAPD street cops are often seen as obstructing clowns in films, not heroes. But END OF WATCH presents them as just that. The police officers in END OF WATCH are shown as working class, civil servants, not one-dimensional stereotypes. They have hopes,dreams, aspirations and human faults just like everyone else. But they also get paid to protect us. By the time the final Hollywood style shootout happens we are invested in these characters, almost like family. Amazing work and affable, effective performances from Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Pena.
 

3. Killing Them Softly

directed by ANDREW DOMINIK
 

 
This little seen gem is on the surface a neo-noir crime drama with anti-violence overtones. But the reality is KILLING THEM SOFTLY is also a cautionary tale on capitalism. It’s a harsh criticism of American consumerism. It’s a critique of the kill or be killed, me first mentality that is crippling America’s economy. Pretty heady stuff for a crime thriller. Sad that the American audience didn’t embrace this film. But now’s your chance to check it out. Warning, however, it’s not for the faint of heart.
 

 

2. The Master

directed by PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON
 

 
Paul Thomas Anderson’s film THE MASTER is an actor’s showcase. It is a character piece exploring two seemingly extreme personalities, played by Joaquin Phoenix and Philip Seymour Hoffman. These are characters who are actually more alike than different. It’s about trying to find direction in the meaninglessness of life. Critics got hung up on the similarities to Scientology and the lack of narrative through line. The real magic of the film is the performances of Hoffman and Phoenix as well as a surprisingly strong one from Amy Adams. With Paul Thomas Anderson at the helm, the film is a testament to these great artists exploring the human condition at the top of their collective games.
 

1. Django Unchained

directed by QUENTIN TARANTINO
 

 

 

 
Controversy aside DJANGO UNCHAINED is thrilling popcorn entertainment. Sure that’s an odd description for a film that uses pre-civil war, southern american slavery as a back-drop. But the trap of the film is to dig too deep into it’s meaning or message. Which… I honestly did on my initial viewing. After additional viewings and some consideration, I concluded that DJANGO UNCHAINED is truly and at it’s core a tribute to genre film-making. It’s escapist entertainment. It’s a spaghetti western wrapped in a southern black exploitation flick. If Tarantino were to neglect the more gruesome and disturbing elements of the black exploitation genre, the controversy would be his watering down of America’s dark history. Instead, viewers are discussing the subject of pre-civil war slavery. Even more than audiences of the overtly, anti-slavery, historical drama LINCOLN. DJANGO UNCHAINED is entertaining and thought provoking. While not being preachy or insulting. Exactly what great art is supposed to do.

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